In this video I talk about why I do not let anyone ever make me happy:
” What makes you happy?…What really makes you happy?” I’ve heard this question being asked many times. And every single time someone asks me this question I have no idea what to answer. This question to me is irrelevant. Perhaps in this case silence would be the best answer, but not the most polite. Sometimes I answer: “Everything makes me happy. There’s not even one thing that doesn’t make me happy”. But this answer confuses people usually. They will say that I am a little bit crazy, or that I am some kind of hippie, happy all the time, or God knows what else…So then I began answering something like: “Nothing makes me happy. Nothing ever makes me happy”. But I get misunderstood again. People will now say: You must be a man very difficult to please…but there must be something that makes you happy?”
In which ways can you best be “you”?
If something has the power to make you happy, it has the power to make you unhappy also. The very idea of placing your happiness in something or someone other than yourself is totally absurd. In life, everything is temporary. And the moment when that something or someone who makes you happy is gone, your happiness is gone too! And what kind of happiness is this, when you have to rely or something or someone other than yourself to have? Is this some sort of new personal loan scheme? Don’t let anything or anyone ever make you happy. Any happiness that comes from outside is not yours, is not real, is not true.
I enjoy playing guitar. I really love it. I can spend several hours a day playing guitar. I don’t even realize how much time flies when I play guitar. I really enjoy it. But does playing guitar really make me happy? No, because otherwise, whenever I don’t have a guitar with me I would be sad, and that’s not the case. Playing guitar is just a way – out of many ways – that I can express myself, my energy, my feelings, my emotions. I don’t need to be playing guitar to be happy. If you see me happy when I play guitar, it’s because it’s just how and who I am. It’s just me expressing my own happiness through the guitar.
So the real question you should be asking is not: “What makes you happy?”, but: “In which ways you can express yourself?”, “In which ways you can show me who you really are?”, “How can you best express yourself?”
Can you be loving without anyone to love?
If you translate this into relationships, it becomes even more powerful. When you love someone, you love spending time with them. Time flies when you are with them. But do you need to be with that person to feel love, to feel happy? Because if you do, then your love and happiness are not real, not true. The moment that person is not there with you for some reason, your love will be gone. Your happiness will be gone. And how can you truly love someone if you don’t have any love, unless that person is there? How can you make someone happy if you are not able of making yourself happy, unless that person is there?
Your joy, your happiness, and your love should be coming from yourself and be expressed through something, towards someone, not the other way around. Cultivate your own garden and invite others to enjoy its flavors, its perfumes, its colors, its sounds. Then let them invite you into their own garden, so we can all celebrate and be really happy together.